Marriage is a tradition that China can trace back to 400 BC. The country, which is one of the biggest in the world, is home to a myriad of wedding cultures and practices. However, one will notice that despite where the wedding takes place, there are some similarities in how they are practiced. All of these are based on what is called the Nine Ritual or the Three Letters and Six Etiquettes.
During the wedding process, the matchmaker has a role to play. The matchmaker is responsible for communication between the families of the groom and the bride. She or he is also the one responsible for reading each other's astrological charts and interpret them. A matchmaker is a respected person in the Chinese community, and it is a profession that is used to aid in all marriages.
Today, you will find dating services in the country that offers the same services. But now, it online. The main difference is that in a traditional matchmaking service, you will never know the person you are about to marry. The people who arrange your marriage are your parents. In some cases, you will only meet your groom and bride on the day of your wedding.
In China, color is an important aspect of a wedding. Traditionally, red is always used because it symbolizes many things. Among these are joy, prosperity, and love. All the three letters in the ritual mentioned earlier use this color. This is why you will always see red enveloped, and gifts in red wrappers or baskets.
You will also observe that in the banquet, red is all over the decorations. The car used to transport the bride and groom is also red. Most wedding dresses are also red.
The ProposalThe proposal happens when the groom's family has made a decision about who the bride is going to be. This occurs after they have hired a matchmaker, and once the matchmaker has made enough analysis about the compatibility of the couple. The matchmaker has to ensure that both parties would benefit and that any past history will be fully disclosed even the unsavory ones.
If the groom's family likes the information they got from the matchmaker, the will send a letter of request to the bride's family. The first three letters will take place, and the first of the six etiquettes will also commence. The last step is to request a formal marriage.
The BetrothalIf the bride's family would accept, the second step of the etiquette will commence. This stage of the process will take into consideration the dates of birth of both the bride and the groom. The matchmaker must understand how the Chinese astrological signs work, and some charts need to be consulted to decide the compatibility of the couple. After the analysis, the bride's family can accept or decline the proposal.
If the proposal is accepted, the groom's family will offer a dowry. It is called a bride price, and it is the third of the six steps in the process. This is the price that the groom has to pay to the parent's of the bride to have the right to marry her.
This price quotation lets a bride's family know the groom's financial status. It is not always in the form of money.
Sometimes, it can be in the form of a title. Sometimes, land or cattle can also be used, along with jewelry and materials that the bride's family find valuable.
Wedding Day PreparationsThe date of the marriage is the fifth step in the series of etiquettes. Again, astrological charts will be consulted to find out the most suitable date.
Before the wedding day, the groom's family will offer the bride's family a lot of gifts. These will come in the form of food, religious materials, and many things that is of any significance to Chinese culture. These gifts are elaborate, to say the least. By the time the date of the wedding arrives, the bride's things will already be transferred to the groom's house.
The fourth among the etiquettes is the presentation of the wedding gifts, which happens right after the proposal is done. The gift letter is the second of the three letters. The first letter is a proposal.
It is not only the groom's family who has to send gifts. The bride's family must also do this. The bride's side will send their gifts to the groom's family three days before the date of the wedding. All these gifts will be in red wrappers or baskets.
What marriage really means is that the lady is going to leave her family. She will be leading a new life. To prepare her for this, she will live in a different area before her wedding day. Usually, she will live with her friends somewhere close to her family's compound.
During this stage, she will mourn for her old life and curse it.
A day before the wedding, the groom must install the bridal bed. It simply means preparing the bed sheets for the honeymoon. This day is also carefully selected with the wedding day. The date must be one that has good luck. To do this, there has to be a good luck man or woman whose job is to install the bed. This person must have a lot of children so his aura can influence the installation.
Children are also present in this activity, as they are a symbol of fertility. The more children there are, the luckier the couple will be in producing children. Food is also prepared in abundance to ensure that the couple will produce healthy kids. Usually, foods prepared are those that symbolize fertility such as red dates, lotus seeds, pomegranates, and oranges.
The Wedding DayEarly in the morning, at the break of dawn, the bride will commence on the hairdressing ritual. The bride will be bather in water that is mixed with a citrus fruit called pomelo. This is a ritual to cleanse her of evil spirits. One this is done, she will wear her new clothes and proceed to meditate.
In the meditation, she will use various candles that represent the dragon and the Phoenix. All throughout, the good luck woman will be present. It is also the good luck woman who will dress her hair in a style that signifies she is not married.
After that, she will receive the blessing of the good luck woman, and she will wear a mirror on her clothing to invite more good luck. The mirror is expected to make evil spirits bounce. This mirror will stay in place until she is in the bedroom with her husband.
While all of these things are taking place, the groom is being dressed by his parents. He will wear a long gown that has a red silk sash. This sash is crossed across his chest, and he will also wear a silk ball on his shoulder, and a matching pair of red shoes.
After dressing, he will pray at the altar, and his father will place a cypress-leaf cap on his head. The groom has to bow down to the sacred tablets to honor his ancestors. He will next bow to his parents and family members.
After this, the father will remove the silk ball, and then move it to the bridal car, which is also decorated with a sieve believed to strain evil. The car also has mirrors to deflect any evil spirit, and the windows will be covered with red curtains.
These curtains will stay dropped for as long as the bride is inside. This will prevent her from seeing anything that can bring bad luck to her life like a cat, a widow, or a water well.
During the procession, there will be fireworks and music, mostly from gongs and drums. This noise marks the arrival of the groom and symbolizes him taking the bride t her new home. This noise drives evil away. During this procession, a male child will walk with the groom, and this child symbolizes children that the groom and the bride will make.
In pursuit are attendants that have lanterns and banners. Musicians are also part of the procession, and there will be either be a dancing lion or unicorn. All of these are done to drive bad spirits away and invite good fortune.
The bride's friends will be waiting for the groom at the bride's house. Here, the bride will be waiting. The friends will surrender the bride in a ceremony, and they will receive red enveloped that contain money, called ang pau.
It is during this procession that the groom's family presents the third and last letter. The bride's family will receive it, and it contains an acceptance of the groom's family of the bride.
In some cases, the bride's family will prepare food. The groom and his family will be invited, and all the foods served are symbolic of a happy and prosperous life. They also symbolize a happy marriage. A dish you will usually find is a soup that has a soft-boiled egg. Tradition dictates that by breaking the egg, the groom is breaking the ties of the bride from her family.
After this meal, the good luck woman that was with the bride will cover the bride's face with a red veil or scarf. This will prevent her from seeing any form of evil while the procession is going on. Her head will be covered until they both arrive at the groom's home.
It is the good luck woman who has to carry the bride to the car and make her sit there. The bride's feet must not touch the ground because it is bad luck.
While the bride is riding the car, music and noise can be heard again from the gongs and the drums to drive evil spirits away.
The procession will take the bride to the groom's home, and along with them are special friends of the bride. These are the ones carefully selected by year of birth. They must have been born in a year that is compatible with the groom's year of birth.
All these are based on the Chinese zodiac system. These friends will throw rice and beans on the groom's and bride's path to invite spirits of fertility.
Once they arrive, the groom's entire household will be waiting. Someone will lay a red mat or carpet for her to walk on, so her feet will only touch the ground of the groom's home, and not exactly the ground on the pavement.
Another ritual will take place. In it, the bride will step on a saddle, and it symbolizes a tranquil marriage. Depending on the status, grains and strings of copper coins will be thrown around the house to attract the spirits of prosperity.
Inside the groom's home, he can now remove the bride's scarf.
The WeddingThe ceremony is the last to happen. It is the last of the six etiquettes, and it is a simple ritual. It begins when the bride leaves home to go to the groom's house, and the only people in the ceremony are the couple and their immediate families.
Brides hide their faces during the wedding ceremony. This is a custom that came from an old myth. In this old myth, a woman named Nuwa and her brother Fu Xi wanted to get married. They were the only people in the world, but because of their relation, the prospect was shameful.
They climb the mountain range of Kunlun Shan, and they prayed to the heavens to get married. They asked for a sign. Heaven gave a sign where the mist surrounded them. Then they got married.
Nuwa hid her face timidly behind a fan to hide her blushing face.
Today, this is still a tradition—the bride hides her face behind a hand fan. As they are getting married, they will face the altar to pray and ask for heaven's blessings. The wedding ceremony ends with a simple bow. After this, the bride will serve tea to the groom's parents. The tea has lotus seeds and red dates. This ceremony is a symbol that the bride wants to become part of the groom's family.
In some cases, both will drink wine from a shared cup. Sometimes, goblets are used, and they will also share a rooster-shaped candy.
Here are some good resources if you want to explore Chinese wedding traditions further.