Violence, Abuse and Conflict In Dating

Dating is getting to know one's partner with the aim of forging a long-term relationship. Since time immemorial, dating has been considered a gateway to marriage.

Dating violence involves a pattern of intentional abusive behaviour by a partner used to exercise control over the other. Violence in dating uses violent words and or actions as tools.

Dating violence happens to people of all races, cultures, incomes, and education levels. It can happen at any stage of the relationship, whether a new one or a long-term relationship, it can happen to the young and the old, and in heterosexual or same-sex relationships. Dating violence is a vice that should be thwarted by people experiencing it, by seeking help.

We could classify violence in dating into basically 5 forms:

• Physical - Physical abuse comes in the form of intentional use of physical force with the intent to instil fear or inflict injury through hitting, shoving, biting, strangling, kicking or using a weapon which could cause bodily harm or even loss of life.
• Sexual - This involves forcing or coercing one's partner to engage in sexual activity and or attempting to have sex with an individual unable to resist or give consent and it could go to the extremes of rape.
• Psychological or emotional - This is one of the nonphysical forms of violence involving threats, insults, humiliation, intimidation, isolation or stalking. Victimization could lead to depression.
• Cyberbullying or digital abuse - Involves use of social media to undermine one's partner. Either through the posting of nasty pictures or degrading information or non-consensual sexting or threatening messages.
• Financial abuseInvolves exercising control over a partner through their finances by taking or withholding money from a partner or prohibiting a partner from earning or spending their money.

For some, having grown in families where violence is common, especially when those involved in it are there parents and or guardians, the behaviour pours over to their dating lives where violence becomes a part of their relationships.

• For young adults and those in young relationships, peer influence could lead to violence. Acquiring advice from peers who accept violence as part of their dating experience, could lead to one adopting the same to their own relationship.
• Infidelity by one or both of the partners could stir up violence in the relationship. Feeling cheated causes insecurities and lack of trust between partners which in the long run only leads to violence.
• In a relationship where one or both of the partners abuse drugs, whether hard or prescription drugs, there is almost always a high possibility of violence as a means of solving the conflict, or most commonly sexual abuse, as their judgment is impaired by drugs.
• Unstable temperament renders one unpredictable and more often to be violent to their partner.
• The age factor, in relationships involving partners with a large age difference, the older individual could take advantage of the difference to exercise power or control over the younger. We can call this immaturity.
• Gender inequality, this mostly affects heterosexual relationships where the partner from the "lesser" gender is undermined based on the lines of their gender.

• Physical harm - The victims of violence could suffer physical bodily harm including burns, cuts, bruises or even broken bones. Research indicates that women suffer bodily harm much more than their male partners.
• Use of drugs - Violence on a constant basis in a relationship could drive the victim into drug abuse. The use of drugs gives one a false feeling of relief and relaxation. Therefore to forget or get rid of the feelings of worthlessness and fear that come with being a victim of violence, the victims could indulge in drug abuse.
• Unwanted pregnancies - Sexual abuse could lead to unwanted pregnancies and transmission of sexually transmitted infections.
• Suicide - In elevated situations, violence in dating could lead to the victims having suicidal tendencies. For a person who has been made to feel worthless in a relationship, death seems an easy way out leading to the victims having suicidal tendencies.
• Bad behavior - Anti-social behaviour could be caused by violence in dating where the victim considers their peers harmful because of their experience and therefore wouldn't want to mingle or stay with them. Also, they could be generally aggressive to others.
• Depression - Violence in dating could lead to depression. For an individual who is violated so often, they start to see themselves as a lesser person and even worthless leading to depression.
• Death - Death has also been recorded to be a result of violence in dating. This could be caused by physical abuse over a long time or intentional murder at the hands of a brutal partner.

• Dialogue - The primary means of resolving violence in dating is fostering healthy communication among the partners. The use of healthy communication as a tool in resolving disagreements within relationships is one of the best methods to prevent the occurrence of violence in dating.
• Know the cause - Getting to know the cause of the conflict will prevent arguments between partners and provides a platform for resolving conflict as easily and as fast as possible.
• Know how to deal with it - Learning to compromise. Knowing the shortcomings of one's partner prevents victimization in a relationship and fosters good understanding between the two this fosters compassion between the individuals dating hence preventing violence.
• Relationship with faithfulness - Maintaining a faithful relationship wards off insecurity in relationships. The ability to trust one's partner is pivotal in keeping a good relationship, one with little occurrences of conflict and ultimately violence.

Finally, before getting into a relationship or even starting to date, individuals should strive to know a lot or if possible everything about their partner.

www.cdc.gov this is the center for disease control's website which is helpful in providing statistics and information about teen dating violence, intimate partner violence, and violence prevention.

www.breakthecycle.org provides information about violence in dating and the various forms of violence siting various occurrences that depict violence in dating.