3 Useful Ideas to Better Your Dating Life

By Marcus Neo

I was out with a friend last night at a bar in the city. Three girls sat beside him. I knew he didn't have the balls to say Hi, so I did a mini coaching session right there and gave him a prep talk. I also demonstrated first and spoke to two American girls beside me. If you free yourself, you free others as well. Secondly, I guided him to say Hi to the girls him and got him to introduce me to her friends.

One hour into the interaction, I had positive results with the girl I was interested in, I could tell:

• She's slightly chasing
• She's laughing

She's obviously attracted. However, in this case I overstepped my mark. Instead of qualifying and pulling a little, I pushed too much. I wanted her to invest more, to chase more. I also took quite a depersonalized approach to this interaction.

I didn't really get to know her as a genuine person. I didn't reveal my profession: writer, entrepreneur. I was role-playing an English teacher. They bought it. However, by not revealing my profession, I was actually doing myself a disservice. I couldn't use my full range of life stories and ideas that came more naturally to me.

It got to the point that I was trying to 'over game' her. There wasn't any genuine connection between us. They didn't talk about their jobs and prefer to keep us guessing through the night. There wasn't enough material from the girls to work with. That's on me. I played it too cool: too much 'attraction' based tactics and not enough genuine connection.

3 Useful Ideas to Better Your Dating Life

• Not Getting to the Point

I failed to qualify them. Yes, you can attract a girl indirectly by not showing interest directly. However, in this case, I didn't get to the point and I played it too cool.

I thought I had the entire night to spill my game. Until one friend signaled to the group she was tired and wanted to go home. There are no moral victories in the game of dating. If us guys were interesting enough, they would have been more incentivized to stay.

• Greed

Whilst traveling through Europe, I found myself in many situations where I could have settled for second best.

However, since I'm anal, Asian and have a need for perfection, I only want that hottest girl. It didn't matter if she wasn't giving me any positive signals. It didn't matter if she said she had a boyfriend. Fuck all of that, I'm not settling for anything less.

Okay, greed is good in some situations and greed is not good in some situations. In the beginning of the night, where there are many options, it is alright to be greedy. However, towards the end of the night, you want to be smart and invest in interactions where there is an expected return.

If you let up your ideal choice for 'second best', you can also learn the entire process of the dating process: making her feel comfortable and taking her home. If a girl who isn't the hottest in the venue that's interested in you, and it's nearing the end of the night You should go for her, instead of only gunning for perfection.

I remembered during my Europe trip I had similar experiences to this. There are instances I had a couple of girls showing interest, and yet, I was attempting to trade up to get the hottest girl in the venue. Needless to say, I went home empty handed because I was trying to put all my eggs in one basket.

• Understand Your Environment and Logistics

So fundamentally, I was babysitting a friend who could barely help himself. He wasn't only embarrassing himself, but also wasn't really helping me. I was also handling three girls with different vested interests.

He was quite the crappy wingman. He made ALL the mistakes a man can make in an interaction. He was also running his mouth in a way that didn't really look good on both of us. However, if I threw my friend under the bus, he'll look bad and I'll look bad. I had to think of ways to disengage with whatever he said and not throw him under the bus.

Logistically, things changed really fast. In this case, one of her friends suddenly felt sleepy and they all decided to head home.

Not surprisingly, my friend started chasing when the girls signaled that they were going to head off. Whilst they were booking a cab through their phones, my friend blurted out to the girl he was interested in: 'I'm interested, what's your number.' He also pointed at her whilst blurting out, as if he's picking out a fish from the wet market.

God...

Firstly, that's socially awkward, secondly, it doesn't look good on me. Not to mention that during our interaction, one of the girls was telling me that I should adopt better friends He displayed no social calibration by blurting out that he's interested in her in front of her friends. He has given up all your power by out rightly displaying interest. Interestingly, that girl relented and he got her number.

Lesson learned: understand your logistics better, and there's no real need to babysit someone to that extent. Put yourself first and engage with the girl you are interested in. There's no need to overanalyze.

Closing Thoughts

Nonetheless, these are interesting learning lessons. I'm also proud to have skin in the game, breaking down interactions using real-life examples.

If she's attracted, don't over step your mark and make her chase too much. It's okay to show interest. It's also okay to 'be a little needy' to make sure the interaction moves forward. For example, if you had an amazing interaction with a girl in the club and if she decides to go to the bathroom in the club, you should follow her. Yes, you may seem like a pussy or 'needy' initially, however, it's much better than losing the interaction.

Ultimately, taking that social risk and going for her number, teasing her or trying to elicit a reaction is much better than playing it cool and losing an interaction completely.

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