10 Ways To Know If Your Relationship Is Codependent Or Dependent

By Akanksha Aggarwal

Take a look around you, at your workplace, college, or even in the subway. You will see couples. Couples who are together, those who are really close to each other, you might even see someone scolding their other half for being late, and you might also see those who might be fighting. What do you see?

Do you find anything common in them? You might be thinking, what could be common in them when they are not even behaving the same. You are right. No two relationships are alike. But you can differentiate.

If you look close, you will find that commonly two types of relationships are found.

There are those who take care of each other, give each other respect, and support each other no matter what.

And then there are those who even after being together are not actually together. They do try to make each other happy but are not able to do so. In some cases, only one of the partners is trying to make things work.

"There are complications in every relationship, but those who can overcome them can be happy"

The types, as I said above, could be differentiated in many ways. You could see the difference between the attachment they both have for each other. If one of the two is overly attached, which actually is making the other one suffocate, then the relationship might be going the wrong way.

Today, let's talk about two aspects of a relationship, Dependence and Codependence. If you worry that your relationship might not be as healthy as it should be, then you might need to read carefully.

A Dependent Relationship.

Your relationship is healthy, equal, and supportive. These are the three main qualities of a dependent relationship. If you ask the following questions from yourself, you will know that you are dependent.

1. Do you and your partner support each other in ups and downs, and not just when your life is successful?
2. Do you respect each other's choices, feelings, and families?
3. Does partner push you towards things, or asks you to think about it once more??
4. Are you able to talk about your feelings and will open to your partner, and they to you?

Now you know. If you were reluctant to answer or were hesitant while answering any of the above questions, then you know your relationship is not going on the correct path. How about have a talk with your partner about this?

A Codependent Relationship

How can you find out if you are in a codependent relationship? To find that, you can look for some characteristics.

1. Are you not able to communicate properly with your partner?
2. Do you feel like you have been doing all the work for them?
3. When you two together do you feel detached?
4. When they feel sad, do you end up supporting them? But it never happens the other way around?
5. You want to end up things but feel like you will be hurting them, but the fact is you are one that is getting hurt?

It is not always necessary that if the above questions check your list means that you are codependent, it could just mean that your relationship is unhealthy. But, the list tells how it should not be.

10 ways to weigh your relationship for codependency

1. Self-esteem. A dependent person always has a good, if not above average, self-esteem. They feel loved, cared, and supported, this is why they know their worth is more. On the other hand, a Codependent person never feels the same. They have low self-esteem, as deep down they feel rejected, unlovable, and not worthy.
2. Boundaries. Dependent people know the boundaries in a relationship. They know when to give space and when to hold your hand. On the contrary, codependent people have poor boundaries. They don't understand the term boundaries. They either give zero space or have rigid walls around them. There is no in between.
3. Caring abilities. How do you think a person in a healthy relationship must care for their partners? Should they put their partner on a pedestal and put their needs ahead of their own? Obviously not! But that is how a codependent person functions.
4. Social language. The people who do not feel love and support in their own relationship try to gain the support and appraisal they think they deserve outside of the relationship. They tend to be more people pleasing. But, the dependent people do not feel the need to gain any kind of reward from others.
5. Reacting to what "they" might think. There are always two kinds of people. One, who always want to know what other people feel about them, and if they disagree then they will become defensive. And others, who know that the opinions of other people do not really reflect their character.
6. Communication Skills. The dependent couple talks about everything. They are comfortable in sharing their feelings, days, and secrets with each other. This is the basis of a healthy relationship after all. But when one of the two is codependent, they don't talk to each other like they should. They think that the silence between them is comfortable, but inside they know that they are just being dishonest.
7. Love or Obsession? A happy couple is one who knows that loving doesn't mean that they need to be together always. They respect the personal space of their partner and let them be independent. Codependents like to spend their time thinking about other relationships and this is major because of their fear and anxiety. So they become obsessed in one way or another with their relationship.
8. Knowing where they stand. The strong and healthy couple know how they can make the relationship better and if they have any issue going on between them, they resolve it together. Codependents, even though they know, can't accept the fact that they are in an unhealthy relationship. They want to fix things on their own and want to make things better for their partner, even if that makes them miserable.
9. Depend or Support. Maybe the word dependent sounds like the couple is depended on each other, but they do in a good way. They support each other in a healthy way, in every step of their lives. But, codependents want their partner to like them in order to feel good about themselves. They are afraid of being rejected, abandoned, and left alone, even if they can do good without any help.
10. Emotions. If you have a healthy relationship, your emotions are always stable. You feel happy about yourself, about your partner, and about your life. You don't feel pain or feel like you are cheating yourself. But, when you are codependent, the emotions are painful.

Can the unhealthy relationship turn into a healthy one, or the answer is just parting ways?

At least you can try!

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